a little on the something side

I am aware that I did not blog yesterday nor do I have a photo and I'm ok with that on one hand... on the other well.... I'm a bit upset. Not that I didn't write the blog but the reason I didn't. I came home and wasn't feeling well but Hans was out volunteering for the evening so it was just me. I was in charge of giving Scout (our cat) her evening medication. I gave her the meds but she wasn't acting right... I got worried and the rest of the evening I just watched over her. I was convinced if I let her out of my sight that she would pass away. I ate toast for dinner so I could always keep an eye on her, I put her on my lap so I could watch over her. She stayed there almost the entire night... which is not usual for her. I fought off tears and watched tv while she was on my lap and did absolutely nothing else because I didn't want to leave her. Hans took her to the vet this morning... we both knew something was wrong. She has to stay at the vet over night. They had to shave part of her for some sort of scan. I went to the vet and I got to see her before the closed and well... she still doesn't look great. Better than yesterday but still things are very wrong. I took a picture of her just in case Hans wanted to see but I don't want to post it. I'm worried, I'm upset and I had to spend the entire day working when all I could think of is "how is scout?" People who haven't owned a pet might not get this post, but those who have understand that when something is wrong with your pet.. something is wrong with a family member. I'm all kinds of emotional right now and I can't really put it into words. Don't necessarily want to get it out. I just want her to be home tomorrow. She is our baby. I'm not sure posting this is the right thing to do. I think not posting this to facebook is best and if you happen across it then.. hi.. I'm sad. If you see me I don't want to talk about it, If you see Hans.. he doesn't want to talk about it. I'm just writing because I feel I should. An exercise in freeing up my mind. That is all. And with that... goodnight.