I am going to Burning Man... In fact a large amount of people are going to Burning Man. It's an event that many people care deeply for, are curious about or you may be one of the many who couldn't care less.

What I am already seeing on facebook is people saying things like this:

YAY!!! Burning Man!!! Who else can't wait for a week of air in LA without all that patchouli stink??

There was also a little smiley face with the tongue sticking out that won't show up on here...I'm sorry.. but your use of an emoticon does not make you any less rude. I apologize for grabbing that particular message as I do not want the person to think I am trying to publicly shame them... (please note that if you recognize this as a mutual friend, I am simply using this as an example and do not feel ill will towards them) it just happened to be the latest and it will certainly not be the last.. I'm sure this person is having fun and not intentionally being a dick... but.. come on... it's rude. (please note that since I just finished another blog about Burning Man and I was feeling pretty good about it, I took more offense than normal to this status)

I have to hear about everyone going to Coachella and I don't see people making fun of them, We are constantly bombarded with people talking about their various trips, complete with picture updates... and they aren't made fun of... So why is my one vacation this year that costs thousands of dollars need to have such...hate? (is that the right word?) towards it? What I don't understand is why does Burning Man constantly have people making status updates about how they will be relieved to have the hippies out of town? and why do over half of the comments involve patchouli? It happens every year. I've always seen it happen. Even before I decided to go.

Have you talked with someone who has gone to Burning Man? Have you gone to the official page and read the literature about what Burning Man is about? Have you gone before and just hate it?

I just don't understand. Now most of my friends are artists so I really truly cannot fathom why they wouldn't be interested in or at least curious about a week long event that involves such diverse art and people. Yes, the event is strange and has very harsh conditions and it is absolutely not for everyone, but do you really need to make fun of it? What are you gaining by doing so? Are you patting yourself on the back for being clever? is your status really just put up for one particular burner friend that you are poking fun at? Do you think that I am an idiot for going? I'm going to have to assume you're a nice person and that you aren't trying to make me feel like a crazy asshole for going...but the fact is... you are.

I'm not a hippie, patchouli makes me nauseous and I don't even think that is a particularly clever or accurate description of a hippie in this day and age. I'm just a normal person who is adding an interesting experience to their life and I would expect people to show some sort of respect that I have made this decision.

I know that I don't have a huge amount of readers and this may seem crazy but this blog is for me and my observations and my feelings. I only hope that if you are one of the people reading this that feels the need to post status updates about this sort of thing.. that maybe you will think twice about how it is seen by the people who are going.

also.. I am speaking for myself. There is also a large population going to Burning Man who are a bit more strong willed than me. In fact.. most of them probably are and they probably could give a fuck less what you have to say.

Part of my reason for going is to become the latter half. I don't want to wonder what my actions are seen as or who is judging me.. I would love to say "I don't give a fuck" and fully believe it.
One day.....

I find one of the hardest parts about Burning Man is not surviving the intense day time heat, the strange change in appetite, the heightened emotions, the less than delightful toilets and the cold nights...it's actually the prep.

The brain swirls with "what if..."

This is a very good thing and also a very bad thing. If you are already an anxious person such as myself then this can lead to panic attacks and general horrific worry.

I was doing quite a good job at packing and getting everything ready. I was determined not to wait until the last minute on anything. I had my list of things from the previous trek out to the playa and my ideas to improve my experience. Everything was going swimmingly until yesterday. Yesterday is when my brain exploded. The simple problem of my bike having a flat (after being at the Bike Oven the day before), not being able to find one of the foods I wanted to buy, and the cleaning of my headlamp which turned out to be the exact thing that would break it... was just a little much for me. It was as if all my good intentions and prep were reduced to one epic sad feeling. It felt like I suddenly hadn't done anything. Ridiculous? Absolutely! But that is just what happens. Well.. at least to me.

I know I just need to calm down. I'll have a new headlamp, 2 brand new tires and the food I wanted delivered from Amazon on Wednesday (thank goodness for Prime membership!). I'm not a failure, I didn't wait until the last minute and I've done just about everything I could.

I will survive this momentarily irksome "failure", I will make it all the way to the desert with everything I need and I will enjoy my time. Radical self reliance will be my bitch! 

right? right!

It's happening... The Man burns in.... 24 days! (or some smaller amount depending on when I actually post this)

I previously went to Burning Man in 2011. It was my first burn and I was equal parts terrified and excited. I thought it was going to be some eye opening experience since everyone always seems to describe it as such. It really wasn't like that for me. I camped with a group of people where I knew some of them, others were brand new and some were just the biggest self centered assholes in the world. Guess which ones ruined the experience for me?

It should have been different. I should have gone off and been as far away from those people as possible but when you're trying to be a community it's really hard to tell someone to fuck off. Or at least I have a problem doing that. I'm a whole lot nicer than I appear sometimes.

I stayed close to the group, was scared I was going to get lost and was just generally a little out of it.

The times that I treasured the most were when Hans and I were exploring on our own, or when I took a deep breath and road off by myself. One day we sat in some sort of open geometric sculpture (this year the temple is being made by the same people) it was beautiful to look at and so lovely to sit in with a breeze going past in the hot desert sun... I started to fall asleep. Of course it wouldn't be burning man if someone didn't come by and offer fresh cold mango...right? The next adventure we had was walking around the playa at night going towards anything that was glowing, in the end we ended up at a movie theater where surprisingly all our other friends already were...that's the playa for you. You never know what's going to happen. We also found interactive art, slept on an oasis of fake grass, found a dome full of awesome art and danced like we didn't care in a more than dead party. It didn't matter...we had fun.
Then my own adventure was when I went to the temple and sat around drawing and writing in a little journal. I eventually had a conversation with a man who had been giving out massages. I wanted a massage but was feeling too shy to ask for some reason.  He was of course a little weird but really happy. He told me he saw...I think he said aura... but he saw swirls of purple coming off of me etc... I opened my book which he had no way of seeing and showed him a sketch I had just done in another area of the temple which was all purple swirls, it was a crazy coincidence that was kind of lovely. He also gave me a bottle filled with love. Yes, to an outsider or someone who maybe doesn't want to believe in silly things it was just an empty bottle, but to me, right at that very moment...it was perfection. He told me to open it and let out the love whenever I needed it. Honestly it was very sweet.

Burning Man is part survival, part art and part total crazy. I thought for sure I wouldn't survive. I assumed that I was going to wilt in the heat and that my medical issues and pain would spike and I would surely have to go home early.
Nope..I survived! I was ok. I didn't have the best time and swore I would never go back.. but here I am.. gearing up for another try.