On the 16th I shared a little bit about our cat Scout. I was worried about her because she was acting strangely and seemed weak. Aside from that post neither Hans and I really mentioned it to anyone else. Hans is very private and since Scout was technically his cat I didn't want to overstep. We have been living together for a number of years now so I did treat Scout like she was my baby. I loved her dearly. The first day at the vet I came and checked on her and sat with her for quite awhile and it killed me to see her like that. Then she got to come home a few days later... she was changed but still our baby. I had so much hope when I got her to eat food. I swear it was the same joy and wonder that new parents feel when their child takes those first steps. There was promise. Then she started her first round of chemo.... she was ok the first day and then she stopped eating... stopped drinking.. and back to the vet she went. Hans called me today and asked if I could leave work early to go to the vet, they wanted me to try feeding her since I had done well before. I rushed through all my work, got all of my stuff together to leave when the vet called... She had bad news.. Scout had just passed. They called to tell me because they couldn't get a hold of Hans when they tried. I was devastated. Having to call Hans and tell him that Scout didn't make it was just awful. I stood at work for a little bit just confused and dazed. I still left early and on my way home I became irrationally convinced that I needed to go get Hans a cupcake.. so I did. I was fighting back tears while I was there and none of the workers would look me in the eye. I came home and there was Hans on the sofa, he didn't want to be at work. I keep crying. I try not to but the tears just fall. My baby isn't going to randomly crawl out from under the sofa, she isn't going to come find me when I walk in the door at the end of the day, she won't be sitting on the side of the bed squawking at me to lift her up on our way too tall bed so she can come snuggle with us while we fall asleep, she won't come and sit on the sofa in between me and Hans while we watch tv, and she won't come rub up against me when I'm trying to do my stretches on the floor....  I'm going to miss those things.. I'm going to miss them a lot. 


I have many photos of Scout but I'm not going to post any. It just isn't that kind of day. I'm already crying just writing this and I really don't need to look at pictures of her cute little face. 

If you're reading this I don't need you to talk to me about this and neither does Hans. If we want to talk we will. I guess if you're like religious or something you could say a prayer that she is in some sort of awesome kitty heaven that would be great, cuz she was great. 

RIP Scout, you were loved

I was just saying the other day that I'm smart even though I don't always act like it. On occasion being smart bites you in the ass. For example at work I one or two times fixed a computer problem. Now I am basically an IT person. I do not like doing IT work, I'm not particularly good at it. I can figure basic things out but anything involving a Server just forget it. Frankly I'm terrified of servers because my brain can't quite comprehend how they work, I know that is silly but it is just the way my brain is on this particular matter. I suppose I could figure out what to do on a home server but when it comes to a server at work that houses all our backed up data etc.. I don't really want to mess with it. I mentioned that I am stressed out at work because I have a whole crap ton of stuff that I need to do and I just didn't have the time to help a co-worker with her computer. I asked a specific person repeatedly to help her, someone who knows a lot more than me. He kept on saying yes and then not helping. Finally I gave up, stopped all of my work to help the coworker. I finally got some help from the original person who then starting saying things like "oh, you shouldn't have done that way, you should have done it this way" This made me so furious. That person at one point said, sure I could help, but Megan can do it too... so I did... and then they didn't like how I did it. You know what would have solved this? DOING IT YOURSELF!!!!!

I'm clearly emotional today. Back hurts, migraine possibly starting, still sick and am overwhelmed with work. Le sigh.....

I also didn't take particularly interesting pictures today. So you get the one I took of my bruised hand. My hand is bruised simply because they took blood from it on Monday. I guess it is better to take it from your arm so you can cover it up. 

I've had kind of a stressful week. I've been sick, I managed to hurt my back something fierce yesterday and I work at a job where when factories shut down for Chinese New Year it is a major deal. I've been so slammed with work that I can't even think about being sick while I'm at typing up purchase orders like a crazy woman and I just have to power through because I'm the only one who can get my portion of work done. I'm a very smart person. I don't always show that I'm intelligent, in fact I would rather make a silly comment and have you think I'm cute than to say something smart and have you think the remark is stupid. I also know for a fact that I am not showing how smart I am on this blog. I don't spell check, I use run on sentences and I love commas to the point where I put them where the probably don't even make sense. Eh, It is my blog so my rules. I'm definitely more a stream of consciousness person and I write that way too. If I were to compare I would be someone more likely to write Mrs. Dalloway than.... IT. yup, random comparison but there ya go. 

Why is my blog entry today called amusement? Oh right, I was getting there. Even though I've had several stressful days I am still easily amused. Take these three photos that I just took... they made me giggle like crazy.. cuz I'm silly. 

Trying to get these photos was amusing to me. There were actually a lot more photos than this. I find that my biggest stress reliever is looking at cute pictures of animals. I know a lot of people share this with me. I even have an entire Pinterest board devoted to cute animals, in fact I joined Pinterest just to make that board. I love animals so much that Hans even sends me random pictures of squirrels and cats when he sees something that he thinks I will adore. That is love right there. I feel happier right now than I have all day simply by trying to take these photos of my cutie Sue. I hope that these photos also make you happy. Giggle with glee y'all! Life is a party full of the most adorable animals. 

I've been sick.. which has been the cause of most of my missed posts which is fair. I think sickness is a fair reason to miss what was to be a daily goal. Today I decided to stay home from work and take a little trip to Urgent Care.. and by little I mean I was there from 11 am to 1:30 pm. When I walked in the place was so packed that there were only 3 chairs left in the entire place. Most of the people who walked in behind me had to split up or stand or walk out. I have a primary care physician in the same building as this urgent care center but my doctor is so rude that I can't stand to go back to her. Ya know.. I'm going to call her out by name.. do not see Dr. Stankovik at the Lakeside Community Health Center in Burbank. I now know two other people who have been to her with the same results. She walks out of the room before you are done talking and loves to fix you with writing a prescription you do not need. She is terrible! Anyhoo, back to Urgent Care... it was a long wait, but I do appreciate their ability to do blood tests right in their facility and give me results immediately. It was however a waste of my day. I have a viral infection that they can't do anything about. So three viles of blood later and diddly squat. Grr... Although I suppose it is good to confirm once again that I am not diabetic. That is in the plus column. I did take photos while I was waiting.. burned through and entire cell phone battery out of sheer boredom. Have fun with these photos:

This sign has amused me on a number of occasions in this urgent care facility. Mostly because I'm bored and have nothing else to look at while I'm in the room. My initials happen to be MEC so that is the main reason while I have a tiny chuckle. Why? I don't know. Sometimes I'm just a little simple

The nurse with terrible bedside manner asked me if I had ever had blood drawn. I'm shocked that this would have been her first question. Maybe I've just been to the doctor too often. After expressing that I prefer blood to be taken from my left arm she proceeded to lay all of her equipment on my lap and tie up my arm. She dropped things on the floor and left the band on my arm for so long that I started to feel like I was going to pass out. She finally said.. "do you want this taken from your hand?" I just said sure because my entire arm was turning colors. In all honesty it hurt a lot less from my hand but this nurse was just awful. She kept on mumbling and putting things on my lap or my legs. Seemed a bit unprofessional. I don't really mind being at the doctor, I don't care a lot about needles but damn... having someone take blood is really painful and I feel like I often have someone who is really stupid and ends up hurting me or bothering me more than they should. 

This is when they left me in the room after stabbing my finger to check on my blood sugar levels to make sure I wasn't diabetic. I don't know why exactly it needed to be my middle finger but I'm delighted I could have this photo because this is pretty much what I'm thinking most of the time at urgent care after the wait. Nah,. I'm not really that bitter or annoyed, but it is a lot more fun for this photo. 

Now some people did see me over the weekend in varying degrees of sickness. I did make it to both my auditions (did ok on both, but I do wonder if it was a solid call)  and I was able to go out to see the show in Anaheim  but damn was I feeling like crap which is why I decided to see a doctor today. But recently I've been doing the same thing. I wait so long to go to the doctor that I'm already on the mend when I force myself to go. It isn't that I dislike doctors it is just that I have been to the doctor so much in my life because I seem to have the worst immune system ever that I'm actually trying to make my body fight instead of immediately turning to antibiotics. As much as antibiotics are amazing, I think there are some definite immunity problems that arise when you have it too often. As a child I got strep throat multiple times a year. It was honestly ridiculous how much I had it. It was finally recommended when I was 20 that my tonsils should come out. It was one of the best and most painful decisions of my life. I wouldn't say I'm less sick but some of my symptoms aren't as bad now when I get ill. No tonsils swollen to the size of golf balls for me anymore, which is awesome. Unfortunately with my tonsils gone it makes it a little harder for some doctors to deduce what is wrong with me because tonsils tend to be majorly effected when a person is sick. In college I had gone to the medical center on campus and a doctor went to prescribe me the same medicine that I had already taken 3 times in a row in the past 4 months. I finally said "No" the doctor was really impressed by me. I think all of the doctors gave me the same generic antibiotic because they really didn't know what was wrong with me. I remember being so proud of myself in that moment refusing medication and then having the doctor actually agree with me was pretty fucking great. I'm trying to take more of a drivers seat with my health lately. I think I'm succeeding because I'm finally finding doctors who care about me and I feel comfortable talking to them. I also am trying to question more often why I'm being given a medication. I think I'm getting handle on things. Now I just need to exercise more, eat better and figure out what I'm allergic to and I shall be golden. Golden I say!

I have been fighting some sort of cold or flu or I don't know what for about a week now..maybe two. I thought I was winning for the most part but I've had a terrible lack of appetite, tired and generally feeling run down. Some of that has to do with a previous post I made because it is just kind of heart breaking but there is definitely some virus or something trying to make a home in my body right now. Past two mornings I've woken up covered in sweat and am having major issues focusing. Yesterday I didn't blog because I fell asleep at around 8. I keep on having toast for two meals a day because I don't have much of an appetite which is great for my waistline but probably not so great for everything else. 

I was so sick when I got up this morning that I didn't even think I could make it through the weekend let alone a day. I did make it through and I'm blogging like a good girl but I can only image how awful I'm going to feel tomorrow. Everyone reading this cross your fingers that I'm going to feel better.

Today I had an audition for a company that I think would be great to work with. It is a production that not only pays but would give me credit towards being in Equity which would be super awesome. I was so weak this afternoon though that I thought I was going to fall on my face when I walked in the room because standing seemed to be difficult because I was just so out of it. I made buddies with the moderator, made it very clear I wasn't feeling well in case his opinion mattered in anyway and went into the room and did my best. In a kind of interesting mess up I was given the wrong sides. I did really not very good at the side I prepared and kicked ass at the one that was handed to me minutes before going in to the room. I also was required to sing some opera a capella which sounded fucking fantastic in that tiny ass room and I think I detected a look of joyful shock. Even though I felt crappy the audition went really well. I'm not sure I have ever felt that welcomed and had them look so intensely at me. Intense in a good way though, as if they were carefully evaluating me instead of what has become the norm of just... oh god... another person.. scribble, scribble, judge, move on. I have no idea if this is something I will get a call back on but I feel good for going out and auditioning for new people. 

Going along with being sick I was really sad that tonight was the night that Hans and I had tickets for "How To Train Your Dragon" at the Honda Center. I was scared I wasn't going to make it through or I was just going to be flat out miserable. I managed to pull myself together and we had a good time. We also went with JJ and Annette whom I am incredibly fond of. The Living Social deal that we all purchased was also a great deal. Not only did we get the tickets for a good price but we got a voucher for a soda, a light up medallion and a souvenier mug. We ended up checking to see how much the mug was at one of the kiosks and it was $15.00 so it was a pretty damn good deal. The seats were a little high up but I can't possibly see how that was actually bad. We had a great time. The show itself was a tad slow simply because it is difficult to work around moving giant dragons on and off stage so sometimes there were filler dialogue and action that was a little boring. Those dragons are pretty fucking cool though. Plus there are a lot of other technical elements that are well executed. There was on part that was very much like a human being in a video game world. I thought it was completely unnecessary but it was a way to show off some cool graphics. I think it is worth a look just to see the dragons. 

The arena did allow you to take photos of the show but mine didn't turn out to great... but it is photo a day.. here are the ones I took:

All in all the day went well. Plus Scout is back home. Things are complete. Now I'm going to jump into bed and hopefully have a wonderfully restful sleep. I just want to wake up tomorrow and feel better so I can nail my Neverwhere audition. Actually the audition can go crappy if that means I am suddenly in super good health. I think I would make that trade. 

I went to the dentist today for the first time in awhile. I have had the same dentist since I was a little girl. He is basically the family dentist and my mom and dad still go there.. unfortunately that dentist is in Thousand Oaks and it was taking too much time to drive down there just to get my teeth cleaned. I essentially had to take an entire day off work to drive there, get my cleaning and exam done, inevitably have my mom show up at my appointment to say hi and then drive home etc... 

On one hand I will miss going there. Since I grew up with him there was a highly bizarre dynamic. I don't know when it started but at some point he deemed me adult enough to start having regular conversations over my head to the hygienist in the room. Some of the conversations were admittedly weird but I didn't mind. I found it amusing. I think I must have been a little like family to him because his daughter is about the same age as me and also named Megan. I took this as part of the many reasons why I could talk to him openly about things. It's not often that you feel so comfortable with your dentist that you can say "stop being a dick" when he well.. frankly is being a dick. I believe I have also told him to fuck off. hmm.. probably not a good thing. My sister thought he was a pedophile and a terrible dentist. moving on...

It took me a long time to actually find a new dentist. I had posted on facebook some time  ago and two separate people suggested the same person. It took me a long time to call the office but I'm really glad I did. Wonderful staff, nice office, chairs that are comfortable and just generally a good vibe. I had a super good experience and I can't say enough nice things. If you're looking for a new dentist talk to me and I will give all the wonderful details. 

Yeah.. sorry not that interesting but I've seriously been talking non-stop about how great this dentist is all day. Why am I not putting the name? because if you ask me I can give you a referral card and with that card you get a good deal on your first visit and I get money towards my treatments... pretty sweet deal all around. :)

Ugh.. I'm also just so tired that words are not making sense to me.. anyhoo... I've got photos for this blog... multiple dumb photos...

It is nice to have a friend within walking distance, you get to hang out, walk to eat dinner and sometimes after such activities you can take care of some essentials like stopping at walgreens to get eye drops for allergies because you want to scratch your eyeballs out of their sockets... umm yeah... so this walgreens is on the way and it is awful... just awful.  But here are some fun photos...well I use the word fun loosely here

as I came out of the restroom Ari and Hans were having a very animated conversation about this ice cream. It irked them that there were parenthesis around a pun that made no sense to this ice cream... they stated that it made no sense based on the parenthesis and puns use on the other ice creams such as:

this ice cream clearly has paranthesis that explain what the ice cream is. Why on earth does the chocolate icea cream say it is beary tasty when there is no berries in it? or is there berries in it? how the hell do I know because it doesn't tell me on the box like everything else???

personally I couldn't care one way or another, the little ice cream animals amused me enough to look past their clearly terrible marketing team. Plus I was also still so horrified by the ladies bathroom.. what? you would like proof that the ladies bathroom was discusting... well here you go

no towels, no soap, trash can moved for some odd reason, weird unidetified wipes on the ground with brown stuff on them, not to mention that the toilet was filled with paper and the ground was wet and dirty. So gross. 

why do I write about these things? I couldn't really say. I'm too tried to function properly and I should know better than to leave my blog until the evening. but really... who is reading this? Oh right HI COREY!!!!!

aaaaaaannnnnd GOODNIGHT!!!

I am aware that I did not blog yesterday nor do I have a photo and I'm ok with that on one hand... on the other well.... I'm a bit upset. Not that I didn't write the blog but the reason I didn't. I came home and wasn't feeling well but Hans was out volunteering for the evening so it was just me. I was in charge of giving Scout (our cat) her evening medication. I gave her the meds but she wasn't acting right... I got worried and the rest of the evening I just watched over her. I was convinced if I let her out of my sight that she would pass away. I ate toast for dinner so I could always keep an eye on her, I put her on my lap so I could watch over her. She stayed there almost the entire night... which is not usual for her. I fought off tears and watched tv while she was on my lap and did absolutely nothing else because I didn't want to leave her. Hans took her to the vet this morning... we both knew something was wrong. She has to stay at the vet over night. They had to shave part of her for some sort of scan. I went to the vet and I got to see her before the closed and well... she still doesn't look great. Better than yesterday but still things are very wrong. I took a picture of her just in case Hans wanted to see but I don't want to post it. I'm worried, I'm upset and I had to spend the entire day working when all I could think of is "how is scout?" People who haven't owned a pet might not get this post, but those who have understand that when something is wrong with your pet.. something is wrong with a family member. I'm all kinds of emotional right now and I can't really put it into words. Don't necessarily want to get it out. I just want her to be home tomorrow. She is our baby. I'm not sure posting this is the right thing to do. I think not posting this to facebook is best and if you happen across it then.. hi.. I'm sad. If you see me I don't want to talk about it, If you see Hans.. he doesn't want to talk about it. I'm just writing because I feel I should. An exercise in freeing up my mind. That is all. And with that... goodnight. 

This puppy is the only thing I want to blog about today. Seriously made my day. I was so overwhelmed with happiness that I thought I was going to have a panic attack and then in the evening when I was telling Hans about this puppy I was overcome with a ridiculous fit of the giggles. C'mon... look at that face!!! That face is enough to make anyone melt. Posting a photo of this little one on facebook is probably one of my most popular posts. Not even my puppy and it gets more attention than I do! You are the cutest thing in the world and I want you for my own!!

umm...this is a rant of a puppy fiend. I must stop. Look at that face and take a deep breath of happiness. 

sooooo... I missed blogging yesterday.... but I don't feel bad about it. Yesterday was the day of birthday parties and events. I was also dangerously close to not blogging today either. 

Yesterday I had the honor of going to a house warming for a delightful couple. I've known them since college and I both happy and unbelievably jealous of their home. Great space with a beautiful kitchen and pool in the back with a cabana! The kitchen and the backyard is really what got me. I long for a house. Something to really call my own. It isn't in the cards right now and it isn't necessarily a logical choice at this stage in my life but gosh darn I want one. I enjoy our apartment but I could do without the elevator that might trap you, the guy who smokes so much outside of his apartment that opening our front door often results in me coughing and the crazy cat lady who is well... crazy and happens to own two cats that we will gladly take in if she decides to pick up and leave them here. I guess I just really want choices. I want to paint my walls and hang up stuff with actual nails and not worry that at some point we may not get back the security deposit or that taking things down will be a total pain in the ass. I took a photo while I was at the party and oddly enough it wasn't actually of the house, but of some very interesting art on the wall. 

I really enjoyed this to the point where I took 3 pictures and I just used an andorid app called photo grid to combine my photos. What may be hard to tell is that this is made out of license plates. It is really quite awesome. Also while standing around, wishing I had my own home and wondering if I should have another party snack I decided to try to snap a candid photo of a friend and his son, who is the most well behaved child I have ever encountered as well as the best dressed

Look at this adorable father/son moment (wish the little guy still on his fetching hat for this photo). This kid is freaking adorable, this is the kind of kid that as a woman just makes your ovaries hurt. Luckily there were so many kids at the party that the feeling was squished pretty fast :) 

I'm not one for saying I want children. But every once in awhile a kid just comes along and you go.. oh! being a parent must be awesome. Ok... done with the talk of children. 

After becoming severely claustrophobic as more people arrived to enjoy in the good fortune of a new home I came home and went on the most amazing cleaning binge. I have actually been cleaning like a madwoman for the past several days and I am so incredibly proud of my accomplishments. The only reason I stopped cleaning yesterday was so I could go to a birthday party. I was so into cleaning that it almost seemed unreasonable that I would leave my apartment to do something that wasn't cleaning. But of course I had a good time. Hugs, conversations, singing happy birthday, sharing tater tots, 3 beers and a cupcake later and I was absolutely beat. A good beat though. It was good to get out and be around friends. It's also wonderful to know that if a friend gets groped by some perv that just about all of us are ready to go after that guy for being out of line. We never did find him but don't mess with me or my friends. We may not hang out one on one all the time but we are part of a theater company who loves one another and will stand up for a person when they are in need and honestly sometimes even when they aren't in need. hmm.. pretty bad ass group of people if I do say so myself. 


I was able to sleep in today and was sad to say I woke up with a stuffy nose and a sore throat. I've been battling something for several weeks. I think my immune system is trying to fight off everyone's germs and some days are just better than others. I stayed in pretty much all day and wasn't able to start a class today that I wanted to... but it gave me more time for cleaning. I got 4 loads of laundry done and I finally went through every single magazine I had stacking up and looked through and pulled out articles and chucked everything else. It was a wonderful feeling to get rid of them. I feel like I have been a major cleaning rockstar all weekend. But I couldn't be this freaking awesome without the doxie scanner I wrote about the other day and this:

My scanner! We are like total BFFs. I bought this several years ago at this point and it was one of the best purchases. All weekend long I have been a shredding like a mad woman and I couldn't be prouder of myself. 

You have no idea how immensely proud I am for doing all this work. It probably doesn't seem like a lot because I'm trying not to bore you with details but this is a good thing. A very very good thing. Like weight off my shoulders, breathe easier kind of good. My project doesn't stop here though. I'm going through every folder I have and am seriously thinking about what I need and what I don't. I did this a while back but got overwhelmed and kept a lot of things and shredded a few things I wish I hadn't. It was cathartic to shred cards from old friends on one hand and on the other I will never have those again to look at, I won't have some of the kind words they said to me. But I also won't need to relive the memory of one or two of those people being full of shit. I should have kept them or  at least scanned the ones that were important but I was just in a panic and needed stuff to go. Le sigh...  I gotta remember.. I can't keep everything.. just keep chanting: I will not be a hoarder, I will not be a hoarder and breeeeeaaaathe.....

btw... when writing a blog I do not suggest writing it after a large mug of sleepy time tea. I am not sure I will remember this blog tomorrow. Oh well.. goodnight folks!!!

The thing about goals and challenges is that you actually have to do them. Today I really truly did not want to blog. Don't know why just didn't really feel like it, but I need to do this. I need to keep my mind going and do something at least slightly creative. Creative is a broad term and I suppose I feel like I'm not wowing my audience but then again...who is my audience? Friends that probably already love me and are looking to get to know me a bit more or share in my day. For those of you reading this.. thank you friend! 

Today was work, making small steps to make my day better and just calming down from the rest of the week. I was surprised how much better I felt after taking a tiny break from work to get a jasmine tea. It wasn't the best I had ever tasted but something about it was so soothing and liberating. hmm...tea as something that is liberating... that seems odd to me, but so be it. Sometimes life is really about the simple things. Sure the rest of my day was all about purchase orders but while I was drinking that tea everything seemed a bit easier. 

I am also very proud of my evening. I finished the scanning project on my desk! Do I have other scanning projects with other documents?? yes, I do. But for the time being I finished the one on my desk and then shredded everything. It was a really wonderful step in my path to be less cluttered. Now for the photo a day of the results!