I find one of the hardest parts about Burning Man is not surviving the intense day time heat, the strange change in appetite, the heightened emotions, the less than delightful toilets and the cold nights...it's actually the prep.
The brain swirls with "what if..."
This is a very good thing and also a very bad thing. If you are already an anxious person such as myself then this can lead to panic attacks and general horrific worry.
I was doing quite a good job at packing and getting everything ready. I was determined not to wait until the last minute on anything. I had my list of things from the previous trek out to the playa and my ideas to improve my experience. Everything was going swimmingly until yesterday. Yesterday is when my brain exploded. The simple problem of my bike having a flat (after being at the Bike Oven the day before), not being able to find one of the foods I wanted to buy, and the cleaning of my headlamp which turned out to be the exact thing that would break it... was just a little much for me. It was as if all my good intentions and prep were reduced to one epic sad feeling. It felt like I suddenly hadn't done anything. Ridiculous? Absolutely! But that is just what happens. Well.. at least to me.
I know I just need to calm down. I'll have a new headlamp, 2 brand new tires and the food I wanted delivered from Amazon on Wednesday (thank goodness for Prime membership!). I'm not a failure, I didn't wait until the last minute and I've done just about everything I could.
I will survive this momentarily irksome "failure", I will make it all the way to the desert with everything I need and I will enjoy my time. Radical self reliance will be my bitch!
right? right!
The brain swirls with "what if..."
This is a very good thing and also a very bad thing. If you are already an anxious person such as myself then this can lead to panic attacks and general horrific worry.
I was doing quite a good job at packing and getting everything ready. I was determined not to wait until the last minute on anything. I had my list of things from the previous trek out to the playa and my ideas to improve my experience. Everything was going swimmingly until yesterday. Yesterday is when my brain exploded. The simple problem of my bike having a flat (after being at the Bike Oven the day before), not being able to find one of the foods I wanted to buy, and the cleaning of my headlamp which turned out to be the exact thing that would break it... was just a little much for me. It was as if all my good intentions and prep were reduced to one epic sad feeling. It felt like I suddenly hadn't done anything. Ridiculous? Absolutely! But that is just what happens. Well.. at least to me.
I know I just need to calm down. I'll have a new headlamp, 2 brand new tires and the food I wanted delivered from Amazon on Wednesday (thank goodness for Prime membership!). I'm not a failure, I didn't wait until the last minute and I've done just about everything I could.
I will survive this momentarily irksome "failure", I will make it all the way to the desert with everything I need and I will enjoy my time. Radical self reliance will be my bitch!
right? right!
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