Scout

On the 16th I shared a little bit about our cat Scout. I was worried about her because she was acting strangely and seemed weak. Aside from that post neither Hans and I really mentioned it to anyone else. Hans is very private and since Scout was technically his cat I didn't want to overstep. We have been living together for a number of years now so I did treat Scout like she was my baby. I loved her dearly. The first day at the vet I came and checked on her and sat with her for quite awhile and it killed me to see her like that. Then she got to come home a few days later... she was changed but still our baby. I had so much hope when I got her to eat food. I swear it was the same joy and wonder that new parents feel when their child takes those first steps. There was promise. Then she started her first round of chemo.... she was ok the first day and then she stopped eating... stopped drinking.. and back to the vet she went. Hans called me today and asked if I could leave work early to go to the vet, they wanted me to try feeding her since I had done well before. I rushed through all my work, got all of my stuff together to leave when the vet called... She had bad news.. Scout had just passed. They called to tell me because they couldn't get a hold of Hans when they tried. I was devastated. Having to call Hans and tell him that Scout didn't make it was just awful. I stood at work for a little bit just confused and dazed. I still left early and on my way home I became irrationally convinced that I needed to go get Hans a cupcake.. so I did. I was fighting back tears while I was there and none of the workers would look me in the eye. I came home and there was Hans on the sofa, he didn't want to be at work. I keep crying. I try not to but the tears just fall. My baby isn't going to randomly crawl out from under the sofa, she isn't going to come find me when I walk in the door at the end of the day, she won't be sitting on the side of the bed squawking at me to lift her up on our way too tall bed so she can come snuggle with us while we fall asleep, she won't come and sit on the sofa in between me and Hans while we watch tv, and she won't come rub up against me when I'm trying to do my stretches on the floor....  I'm going to miss those things.. I'm going to miss them a lot. 


I have many photos of Scout but I'm not going to post any. It just isn't that kind of day. I'm already crying just writing this and I really don't need to look at pictures of her cute little face. 

If you're reading this I don't need you to talk to me about this and neither does Hans. If we want to talk we will. I guess if you're like religious or something you could say a prayer that she is in some sort of awesome kitty heaven that would be great, cuz she was great. 

RIP Scout, you were loved