Yesterday I had a pretty good day filled with random fun in an otherwise normal day. I really truly should not be surprised that today was a crappy day. I have a cause of the blues. It didn't start that way and I tried hard to fight it but gosh darn it I really just couldn't.
I woke up and I was sweating like crazy to the point where I wondered if I had a fever because I was so hot.. took my temp.. perfectly normal but something was not right. Took a bath which is something I have never done in the morning.. ever.. still felt crappy, laid down on the bed for a few minutes.. still crappy.. Well by this time I either needed to leave asap or be late. I got dressed quickly and had no time to eat breakfast or do anything with my hair. Luckily I finally remembered during this winter season that I own a bunch of hats so I put on a beanie which has been quite wonderful to wear today especially since windpocolypse decided to happen mid day. At least I was really lucky that I made my lunch the night before and was able to grab a new snack that I found at the store. I even made it to work on time so the day was still ok-ish.
I eat my tasty treat which is my first photo of the day:
I woke up and I was sweating like crazy to the point where I wondered if I had a fever because I was so hot.. took my temp.. perfectly normal but something was not right. Took a bath which is something I have never done in the morning.. ever.. still felt crappy, laid down on the bed for a few minutes.. still crappy.. Well by this time I either needed to leave asap or be late. I got dressed quickly and had no time to eat breakfast or do anything with my hair. Luckily I finally remembered during this winter season that I own a bunch of hats so I put on a beanie which has been quite wonderful to wear today especially since windpocolypse decided to happen mid day. At least I was really lucky that I made my lunch the night before and was able to grab a new snack that I found at the store. I even made it to work on time so the day was still ok-ish.
I eat my tasty treat which is my first photo of the day:
photo a day # 10
omg these were delicious. They were soft and very flavorful. Banana Chocolate chip. Only 99 calories for 1... too bad I ate all 4.
Those little muffins could have been terrible but they were quite good and I at least got something in my stomach for breakfast. Now they did get my fingers messy so I went to the kitchen to wash up and when I went to dry my hands I was greeted with this:
photo a day #10.2
That was printed on the paper towel. It is Bounty brand and I eventually realized there was some sort of gardening theme but seriously? that is just the wrong kind of message and really should be avoided in a world full of crazy ass killers. I must say it actually made me feel really weird for several hours. I knew I was being somewhat ridiculous but it really colored my day.
Blah blah blah.. normal work stuff...
Then out of nowhere the girl who is leaving next week because she is moving to another state finally hands me work that I will be taking over. In an already overwhelming week, I was not prepared to be just handed this stuff today. I mean I wondered when but geez.. give a girl some warning. This work which used to be my job has changed a bit. There are few things that get entered in a different way than I'm used to so something that should have taken me a couple minutes each took me 30 minutes for 4. I felt so stupid and finally decided to admit that I was struggling and I wouldn't get it done today but I really wanted to try to do it on my own. So I admitted it via email, got a response, which then I responded to trying to say that I knew I was offered help but I just needed to try to do this on my own first. Fast forward 3 hours and suddenly it is a huge deal where she is telling the owner about it and saying " megan, what's there not to understand" "you did this before I seriously doubt I need to re-teach you this".. I tried to explain and then there was "so you're telling me you know nooothing about these purchase orders" and again I tried to explain and it was useless. As you can see she was kind of rude and made me feel supremely stupid in front of the owner of the company who was honestly very nice about it but I just spent the rest of my day going over it in my head... should I have not said anything?, should I have stood up for myself more? idk... but this happens all the time. I do not do well with other women who are super full of authority. I just can't get my words across. I went back to my desk and just felt like. I felt like crying which made me feel worse because honestly it isn't that big of a deal but any time someone makes me feel stupid I get like this. It is just about the worst thing someone could do to me.
I ended up finishing everything I was supposed to do and told the coworker to check my work because I had said that I wanted to do that when we were talking to the owner. I could tell she probably was not pleased with this but the other owner was in the room so she played nice.
I'm basically a wuss.
I can tell I am in a really bad funk because usually when I road rage at people it goes something like this:
"you stupid piece of shit, why don't you get the fuck out of my way before I run over your fucking children"
or something like that. Today all I could say was "you're awful"
Hans just got home and we chatted about the work day and we did both kind of figure out what bug got up my coworkers ass but there were multiple ways to handle this and making me look stupid in front of people was not the correct one.
I also pathetically came home and said to the cat "mama has the blues"
I wish I could handle confrontation so I could say something like "I think you are being rude" That is such a simple action but I just can't do it. Everyone always says I am intimidating and that I walk around and I just ooze confidence but I am kind of the worst. I basically just hide and get sad. Unless of course I know for a fact that I am in charge. Like when I am a Stage Manager. When I am in that position I know exactly where I stand and get stuff done. Sometimes I think I would be a way better manager than a regular worker. Don't get me wrong I work super hard and I always do my best but this job has taught me a few things about working and myself. I think I am an awesome manager and although it seems like a good idea you don't always need to try to be friends with people at work because it will often bite you in the ass.
Well this has been a long tirade and I think it should come to a close so I can try relaxing and at least turn my evening around.
Blah blah blah.. normal work stuff...
Then out of nowhere the girl who is leaving next week because she is moving to another state finally hands me work that I will be taking over. In an already overwhelming week, I was not prepared to be just handed this stuff today. I mean I wondered when but geez.. give a girl some warning. This work which used to be my job has changed a bit. There are few things that get entered in a different way than I'm used to so something that should have taken me a couple minutes each took me 30 minutes for 4. I felt so stupid and finally decided to admit that I was struggling and I wouldn't get it done today but I really wanted to try to do it on my own. So I admitted it via email, got a response, which then I responded to trying to say that I knew I was offered help but I just needed to try to do this on my own first. Fast forward 3 hours and suddenly it is a huge deal where she is telling the owner about it and saying " megan, what's there not to understand" "you did this before I seriously doubt I need to re-teach you this".. I tried to explain and then there was "so you're telling me you know nooothing about these purchase orders" and again I tried to explain and it was useless. As you can see she was kind of rude and made me feel supremely stupid in front of the owner of the company who was honestly very nice about it but I just spent the rest of my day going over it in my head... should I have not said anything?, should I have stood up for myself more? idk... but this happens all the time. I do not do well with other women who are super full of authority. I just can't get my words across. I went back to my desk and just felt like. I felt like crying which made me feel worse because honestly it isn't that big of a deal but any time someone makes me feel stupid I get like this. It is just about the worst thing someone could do to me.
I ended up finishing everything I was supposed to do and told the coworker to check my work because I had said that I wanted to do that when we were talking to the owner. I could tell she probably was not pleased with this but the other owner was in the room so she played nice.
I'm basically a wuss.
I can tell I am in a really bad funk because usually when I road rage at people it goes something like this:
"you stupid piece of shit, why don't you get the fuck out of my way before I run over your fucking children"
or something like that. Today all I could say was "you're awful"
Hans just got home and we chatted about the work day and we did both kind of figure out what bug got up my coworkers ass but there were multiple ways to handle this and making me look stupid in front of people was not the correct one.
I also pathetically came home and said to the cat "mama has the blues"
I wish I could handle confrontation so I could say something like "I think you are being rude" That is such a simple action but I just can't do it. Everyone always says I am intimidating and that I walk around and I just ooze confidence but I am kind of the worst. I basically just hide and get sad. Unless of course I know for a fact that I am in charge. Like when I am a Stage Manager. When I am in that position I know exactly where I stand and get stuff done. Sometimes I think I would be a way better manager than a regular worker. Don't get me wrong I work super hard and I always do my best but this job has taught me a few things about working and myself. I think I am an awesome manager and although it seems like a good idea you don't always need to try to be friends with people at work because it will often bite you in the ass.
Well this has been a long tirade and I think it should come to a close so I can try relaxing and at least turn my evening around.
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